So here I sit on my yoga ball, trying to balance myself and my life while typing at the same time. I’m actually doing a pretty good job despite all the funny looks I’m getting from my teenage daughter and her friends. I love embarrassing her. This is even better than the time I sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of my lungs while driving her and her stuck-up friends to tennis practice three years ago. I can now say my life is almost complete now that a big red check mark is next to “Embarrass Teenage Daughter” on my “Things I Must Accomplish In Life Before I Kick The Bucket” list and damn, that felt good!
I honest to goodness do have a “Things I Must Accomplish In Life Before I Kick The Bucket” list. It’s full of awesome stuff that I have done, will do and just might do if the money is right. And well, before you think to yourself, “What the hell does that mean, Cynthia?” let me finish. There are quite a lot of things that I probably would never do because I’m either too shy, timid or just plain hella easy to embarrass – yes, seriously. But, if the money is right, I just might do some things totally against my nature – like bungee jumping, karaoke or fire-walking.
Really. If someone paid me $10,000 to walk across hot coals, I’d so do it. And yes, fire-walking is on my list. Why? Because I think it’s a mind-over-matter situation and there is nothing that gets my girlie juices flowing faster than controlling my mind! Well, maybe controlling YOUR mind, but that’s not the point.
Let me just say that I have walked on hot coals before, completely on accident mind you, but the deed was done. I am here to tell you that yes, it does hurt. Cue Sophia Petrillo reference: Picture it, 1998, a nice size bon fire, lots of alcohol, two dozen stoned kids with paint guns running around the river banks at 2 am. Someone is gonna get hurt. Yeah, you guessed it – me. But, I’m also balanced here on two healthy feet that at one time had stepped into a burning bon fire, so I am living proof fire-walking can be done without the loss of toes. Now, I wanna do it again, but this time I want to plan it out. You know, study a bit about it first and then proudly walk across a long bed of hot coals so I can finally check that option off my list and never look back.
Then I may tackle karaoke, but I’d have to ask a whole lot more than 10 grand to stand-up and sing in front of a shit ton of people I didn’t know. And I’d have to have all my cool friends with me for moral support. I also refuse to sing anything serious like “Wind Beneath My Wings” because that’s just stupid. Of course, tequila shots must also be involved.
Hm, you know, this karaoke thing sounds like way too much fun – screw the money, I’ll do it for free. Oooh, can you imagine if I’m really good at it? Then I actually might get paid. A professional karaoke singer! Score! 
Go on, dare me.
Runs off singing….
So what I’m still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don’t need you
And guess what
I’m havin more fun
And now that were done
I’m gonna show you tonight
I’m alright
I’m just fine
And you’re a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don’t want you tonight
